DISCERNMENT COUNSELING FOR COUPLES DECIDING WHETHER TO STAY OR END THEIR RELATIONSHIP
in Houston, TX
You or your spouse are considering ending your relationship
When your marriage hangs in the balance,
one partner ready to work it out, the other contemplating divorce
the uncertainty can feel paralyzing.
The thought of divorce brings up a whirlwind of emotions. You picture the moment you have to break the news to your children. The idea untangling a life built together is overwhelming.
Then there’s the daunting prospect of confronting the reality ahead: navigating the murky waters of co-parenting, juggling schedules, and making sure your children feel loved and secure amidst the chaos. You dread the idea of lengthy meetings with lawyers, the cold abstract discussions about finances, and the reality of being on your own.
You also know that something has to change and this relationship as it has been is no longer an option.
Your mind circles through endless scenarios:
What if you leave and regret it later?
What if you stay and nothing ever changes?
What if there's still love buried beneath all this pain, just waiting for the right help to uncover it?
What if you're just prolonging the inevitable by not making a decision?
You've watched friends navigate divorce, some finding peace and others drowning in regret. You've also witnessed couples transform their marriages when it seemed impossible. But your situation feels uniquely complex—a tangled web of love, hurt, history, and uncertainty.
Even the thought of making the "wrong" decision paralyzes you. Starting over seems terrifying, but staying in this limbo feels like slowly drowning. Your friends tell you "you'll know when you know," but what if you don't? What if both choices feel simultaneously right and wrong?
The hardest part? You still care.
If you didn't, this would be easier. But caring means you want to be absolutely certain before taking steps that can't be undone. You want to know you've tried everything possible before closing this chapter of your life—or that you've carefully considered all options before recommitting to the work of rebuilding.
Discernment Counseling helps couples make thoughtful informed choices about the future of their relationship.
Unlike traditional marriage counseling, this structured process helps you gain absolute clarity about your path forward, whether that's reconciliation, divorce, or taking more time to decide. We're not trying to fix your relationship immediately. Instead, we're creating a structured space for both partners to gain profound clarity about their path forward, whether that leads to reconciliation or mindful separation
Benefits of Discernment Counseling
“If my partner has one foot out the door, how can counseling help?”
It helps because discernment counseling is specifically tailored to you and your situation.
Discernment Counseling is different. We work with you both individually within each session, honoring where each person stands while exploring all possible paths forward - without pressure to choose any particular direction. It is time-limited and more focused than traditional couples therapy, allowing you to make decisions without prolonged uncertainty.
How it works
Discernment counseling is designed to be a brief yet impactful process, typically lasting no more than 10 hours in total. You can expect between one and five sessions, each lasting two hours. You’ll end the counseling once you decide what to do about your marriage or after a maximum of 5 sessions.
During our meetings, we will examining 3 possible paths:
1. Maintain the Status Quo: Choose to take no immediate action and continue as is for the time being.
2. Separation and Divorce: If you’ve yet to do so, decide to separate and ultimately pursue divorce.
3. Commit to a Renewed Effort: Opt for a focused six-month period of intensive couples counseling, during which divorce is off the table. After this period, you'll re-evaluate your relationship.
A significant portion of our time will be dedicated to meeting with each partner individually. This approach allows you to speak openly about your thoughts and feelings regarding the marriage while reflecting on your own role in its dynamics.
It’s important to note that during discernment counseling, we won’t be attempting to resolve the issues in your marriage. Instead, the focus is on exploring whether those challenges are solvable. Don’t expect immediate changes—this period is about gaining clarity, not fixing problems.
You’ll each spend about five minutes after your individual session sharing your “takeaways” with your partner. The reason for this is so that each person can explicitly take accountability. Knowing the details of what will be addressed in future couples counseling can help the uncertain partner feel more confident.
FAQ
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This approach isn't suitable if:
One partner has definitively decided on divorce
There's any coercion to participate
Domestic violence is present
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Maximum of 5 sessions
First session: 2 hours
Following sessions: 1.5-2 hours
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The full course of discernment counseling is 10 hours. The cost depends on which therapist you see and their hourly rate. Dr. Spiller charges $300/hr. You will be informed of all costs prior to beginning therapy.
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Each session combines couple and individual conversations, where you'll:
Examine your relationship dynamics
Explore potential paths forward
Receive compassionate, non-judgmental support
Develop greater understanding of yourself and your partner
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If this is your situation, discernment counseling isn’t a good fit because you aren’t discerning anything — you’ve already made up your mind. In that case, we recommend our “uncoupling” services. We are also happy to provide referrals for other professionals who do similar work, such as a mediators and family law attorneys.
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In this case, individual therapy can help you learn from this crisis and find healthy, constructive ways to potentially prevent divorce and restore your marriage, if that is possible. When your spouse sees these positive changes in you, it may motivate them to become more open to discernment counseling or couples therapy. Read more about what to do when your spouse won’t go to therapy.
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Around 10% of couples ultimately end up choosing to keep the status quo after completing discernment counseling. This is perfectly acceptable. Regardless of the reason, taking more time to make a very serious decision is always an option.If you’re seeking discernment or couples counseling, we can help you with that too. Explore couples therapy or discernment counseling here.
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Discernment counseling is not couples therapy, It is a precursor to couples therapy. In discernment counseling, you and your spouse are trying to come to a decision together about whether or not to pursue working on your relationship. That doesn’t mean there aren’t breakthroughs or lightbulb moments; however, there is no therapeutic intervention related to the relationship itself.
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No, because the ultimate goal of discernment counseling isn’t to go to couples therapy. The ultimate goals are to uncover what happened in your marriage to get you here, understand what you each contributed to the dynamic, and decide whether or not the marriage can be saved. Through that process, couples therapy is often decided upon in the end, but not always. While many partners leave discernment counseling with a clear idea of what they need to work on within themselves, they still make the decision to divorce, and instead opt for individual therapy.
Ready to gain clarity about your relationship's future?
Contact us to see if discernment counseling is right for you and
move toward making a confident decision about your marriage.