Relationship Anxiety: What’s Normal, What’s Not, and How To Get Support
Have you ever found yourself overthinking your partner’s latest text message? Or felt the urge to scroll through their social media for signs of trouble? If so, you’re not alone. Relationship anxiety is more common than you might think, and understanding it can make all the difference.
What Is Relationship Anxiety?
Relationship anxiety involves persistent worries about your relationship that go beyond normal concerns.
These “what if” thoughts can spiral into overanalyzing your partner’s words or actions, leaving you feeling emotionally and physically drained. While occasional concerns are natural in any relationship, relationship anxiety tends to take over, creating a constant state of unease.
If you have relationship anxiety, you might find yourself asking these questions frequently:
“What if my partner leaves me?”
“What if I’m not good enough?”
“What if they’re unhappy but not telling me?”
“What if I’m actually not in love with my partner?
These fears can manifest in behaviors like checking your partner’s social media frequently, needing repeated reassurance, or hesitating to address important topics out of fear of conflict.
For those with pre-existing anxiety or OCD, relationship worries can feel even more intense. In some cases, they may develop into Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ROCD), a condition that includes intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors related to the relationship.
Relationship Anxiety causes a strain on both partners.
Relationship anxiety doesn’t just affect the person experiencing it; it can ripple out and impact both partners.
The anxious partner often feels mentally and physically exhausted from constant worry, has trouble enjoying happy moments. because they’re waiting for something to go wrong, develops unhealthy habits like checking phones or social media, feels shame or embarrassment about their anxiety, and struggles to be present in the relationship.
On the other hand, the non-anxious partner might feel pressure to provide constant reassurance, walk on eggshells to avoid triggering anxiety, become frustrated when reassurance isn’t enough, feel misunderstood or not trusted, and become emotionally drained over time.
Practical Tips for Managing Relationship Anxiety
If you’re the anxious partner…If you struggle with relationship anxiety, remember that it doesn’t make you a "bad" partner. Practice self-compassion, learn to recognize anxiety triggers, develop healthy self-soothing techniques, and be honest with your partner about your struggles.
For the non-anxious partner, don’t take the anxiety personally, ask how you can help, set gentle but firm boundaries, take care of your own emotional health, and remember that reassurance is okay but shouldn’t be constant.
Both partners can benefit from creating an "anxiety action plan" together, scheduling regular check-ins about relationship needs, practicing open communication, and celebrating small victories. Remember, you’re on the same team.
Understanding Relationship OCD (ROCD)
Sometimes, relationship anxiety can escalate into a more intense form known as Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ROCD).
ROCD is characterized by persistent, unwanted thoughts about one’s relationship, leading to repetitive behaviors aimed at relieving anxiety. Unlike general relationship anxiety, ROCD can feel all-consuming and significantly impact the quality of a relationship.
Symptoms of ROCD may include: intrusive thoughts, constant comparison to other couples, seeking excessive reassurance, engaging in compulsive behaviors, avoiding triggering conversations, and experiencing guilt or shame for having negative thoughts about a loving partner.
Specialized therapy is essential for addressing ROCD.
A trained therapist can help differentiate between common relationship anxiety and ROCD, use Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to challenge irrational thoughts, implement Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) to reduce compulsive behaviors and build coping skills for managing anxiety without seeking constant reassurance. Specialized therapists also help individuals understand how ROCD affects relationships and provide guidance for partners on supporting their loved ones.
How to Get Support for ROCD or Relationship Anxiety
If you or someone you know is struggling with ROCD, it’s essential to seek out a mental health professional who understands the complexities of OCD and its impact on relationships. With the right support, individuals can learn to navigate their fears more effectively and work toward healthier, more trusting relationships. We are happy to explore options for you and your relationship.
INDIVIDUAL THERAPY FOR RELATIONSHIP ANXIETY
📞 Book A Consultation for Individual Therapy Here
Sometimes, starting with individual therapy is the best first step to take, especially if your anxiety impacts other areas of your life beyond your relationship. It’s also a good choice if you’re not currently in a relationship but want to prepare for future ones or simply need space to explore your feelings without your partner present.
COUPLES THERAPY FOR RELATIONSHIP ANXIETY
📞 Book A Consultation for Couples Therapy Here
Couples therapy can help when both partners want to understand the anxiety’s impact and communication has become strained. It’s helpful when the non-anxious partner feels overwhelmed, trust issues impact the relationship, or you and your partner are struggling to set healthy boundaries. Couples therapy provides communication tools for both partners, structured time to discuss difficult topics, ways to support each other without increasing anxiety, an understanding of how each person’s background affects the relationship, and strategies to strengthen trust and connection.COUPLES + INDIVIDUAL THERAPY: THE COMBINED APPROACH
📞 Not sure about the right approach for you and your partner? We can explore this on a consult call.
Many people find the best results come from combining both types of therapy. In individual therapy, the anxious partner can work on their anxiety management skills, process past experiences, and build self-trust and confidence. In couples therapy, you and your partner can talk about the anxiety together, create new communication patterns, restore trust, and become a team again.
Approach Relationship Anxiety As A Team
Relationship anxiety can feel like a heavy weight on your love life, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Whether you choose individual therapy, couples therapy, or both, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
A healthy relationship isn’t one without problems—it’s one where both partners are willing to work through challenges as a team.