Break-Up and Divorce Recovery: Healing and Moving Toward Positive Change

why is it

when the story ends

we begin to feel all of it

– Rupi Kaur

Break-up and divorce recovery, whether from a relationship or marriage, can be an isolating and painful time. Friends may urge you to “move on,” yet you may feel stuck in thoughts and feelings about your profound loss.

Even when a break-up is a mutual decision, closure may not come easily. The pain and intense thoughts and feelings may linger and can make focusing on work more difficult. Challenges of also helping children cope with the divorce may not give you the time and space you need to accept your own journey.

Break-up and divorce recovery counseling offers the opportunity to:

  • Heal your broken heart with full acceptance of where you are with your struggles to cope
  • Gain insight into your contribution (we do this gently) into the decline of the relationship
  • Remember who you are without being part of a couple
  • Let go of negative experiences from the divorce or relationship so that you go forward to future relationships with a positive perspective

Taking Time for Grieving and Self-Care

divorce recoverySo much can be happening during break-up and divorce recovery: Finding a new place to live, working out joint custody arrangements and childcare needs, handling finances now on your own and accommodating extended-family obligations to grandparents and others.

Break-up and divorce recovery therapy allows you to experience what I call “intentional grieving.” This is time set aside to explore your painful feelings and accept the pain of the loss you are experiencing. You’ll be getting lots of advice from friends and family; however, this is your time to truly care for your own needs.

With a break-up there’s often a great deal of “chatter” in our own minds. “What could I have done differently?” “How will I manage on my own?” “There’s so much to handle — finances, career, kids — that used to be shared.” 

Working with a skilled, seasoned professional psychologist who specializes in relationship counseling offers an opportunity to process the pain, become more aware of your strengths and, when ready, to chart a more secure path for moving forward.

What Research Tells Us

Experiences, both positive and negative, from a previous marriage or relationship can be unintentionally carried into subsequent relationships. A shadow, sometimes very subtle, can be cast over new partners. 

Our brain has a great capacity to “stockpile” emotions from the past. We’re often not aware when these come to the surface. If our previous partner would easily become angry, it makes sense we might fear our new partner’s heightened emotions. If our previous partner would withdraw when an argument ensued, we might still be feeling that abandonment at any sign our new partner is upset.

While it is impossible for us to go forward in life with a “clean slate” of emotions, our increased awareness of our vulnerabilities helps us slow down, carefully judge each new situation and then make better choices in how to respond.

The Power of Acceptance as Part of Divorce Recovery

divorce recoveryIt’s a very-human response to avoid pain. We actually can spend a lot of energy denying uncomfortable feelings and emotions. Maybe we focus on work; on cleaning the house; on staying busy; or try to calm our emotions with food or alcohol.

However, our attempts to push down and ignore our feelings only postpone the ability to heal. 

The research-based and proven process of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, known as ACT, helps to compassionately bring to the surface the pain of a break-up or divorce and opens the doorway to acknowledging the pain, remorse and loneliness of a lost relationship. 

Acceptance & Commitment Therapy also has the benefits of:

  • Learning to make new choices based on the values most important to you
  • When you’re ready to move forward, selecting actions toward your specific goals
  • Gaining skills to make more conscious choices in reaction to difficult events

Understanding Yourself When You Are in Relationships

How we interact in relationships is often a product of our past experiences: How comfortable and confident we are with closeness, how we might cope with conflict, our beliefs about parenting and so much more.

Using Emotionally Focused Therapy for Individuals, break-up and divorce recovery counseling helps you become more self-aware, deepens your understanding of your ways of being with a partner. You can learn to be a future partner who is compassionate, slower to react and more able to express yourself in your new relationship about issues and concerns.

Your New Path Forward

divorce recoveryBreak-up and divorce recovery therapy is a gift of time and learning just for you. We’ll develop our goals together, you’ll set the pace and we’ll work together to help you grieve, recover and move onward. You can achieve greater confidence in building the life you want, to remember the things you loved and lost sight of during your relationship and re-discover your unique and special gifts.

You can use the contact form or give me a call to discuss setting your first appointment.

104 W. 12th Street Suite B
Houston, TX 77008

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